Steps to Emotional Stability

Do you ever feel like some days you’re more easily triggered than others? Or that you’re so deeply lost in thought, your present moment doesn’t exist? Anxiety, fear, past traumas, past betrayals, past hurts, these are all factors that can contribute to your emotional instability. They cause imbalance when you don’t allow yourself to “feel.” To move toward emotional balance, one must allow themselves to feel the emotional pain and allow the grieving process to happen. Similarly to physical pain, masking it with opioids or pain medication actually makes the pain worse over time – since our bodies become used to not feeling it, the nervous system weakens dramatically. This center in our body helps us process and feel pain to tell us, “hey, something is wrong!” If we numb this out on a daily basis because we want to always feel good – even though we know there is pain beneath the surface – we will never fully heal.

1 Pay attention to what you’re feeling and remind yourself it is in fact just a FEELING. Did you know an emotion can only last about 90 seconds? However, it can continue on if you don’t bring awareness to what you’re feeling.

We all have triggers. Either a picture, a sound, even a familiar taste can cause an emotional trigger. The key to not letting it take over your moment is to disassociate from the trigger itself. You can do this by observing the moment, when the trigger happens.

In order to get through it, you need to somewhat go through it. Allowing yourself to feel what you’re feeling by simply bringing awareness to it is the first step.

Anchoring also helps with triggers. It is the method of using an external stimulus to activate an internal response. For example, a mantra – you can repeat when you are triggered, or burning something such as memorabilia, a picture, a letter. Lighting incense or burning Santo Paulo wood sticks are also great physical ways to calm and redirect the emotional response when you are triggered.

Of course all of this takes time. You have to actively make the choice to move forward everyday, and actively deal and go through your thoughts and feelings, by catching the moments and memories that can cause you emotional distress. It takes work and there is no quick get there method. It’s also important to stick to the facts. Stick to what is actually happening to you now, this is a healthy way to understand or deal with a breakup or loss of some kind – usually another common cause for emotional instability. Do not go on the basis of hope – hope can fuck you. They say that when a person goes through a break up or deals with a death it is similar to a drug addict detoxing. Your 1amygdala, can weaken your perception of reality thus making your body go into “survival mode.”

1 Amygdala, part of the limbic system of the brain that is involved with emotions and reactions to stimili.

Some people lose dramatic amounts of weight when they’re depressed or gain lots of weight – these are all responses from your body in survival mode.

2 If you’re feeling extreme sadness, anger, or confusion – do not (and I repeat) do not confront the person you’re feeling this towards or vent to someone how you are feeling. Only a paid professional should hear your issues. Why? I know a lot of blogs, even counselors will tell you that you should rely on close friends to use as support – yes just support not for venting though! Let’s not confuse the two, they are very different.

Venting is only healthy within the first critical hours-to-a few days of something tragically happening but it is in no way helpful down the road when you’re still dealing with residual negative feelings. I know, because I was the queen of venting until it really hurt me worse than I was. When you vent, you are in fact keeping the feeling and the story attached to that feeling alive. It does not help resolve anything.

Talking to a professional who can guide you through the venting or story telling of what you’re going through is the best option -as they are trained and certified to help you see the light at the end of the vent-tunnel, sort-of-speak. Otherwise you will be in this continuous never-ending rabbit hole that will only have you lose precious time and possible friendships.

Why do I say friendships? Well anything with a ship at the end of it, requires a 2 way connect. It won’t nurture your relationships it will only spoil them. Relationships are there to help us grow as a person, support us, and nurture us. Venting to a friend (on a repeat basis) is toxic behavior and in turn can push your friend further away. Neither is productive. So cut it out.

3 If you have terrible anxiety that prevents you from sleeping on time – at night, Download the Insight Timer app on your phone and begin a healing audio session. This is a bit cliche when you read a blog post that tells you to meditate but YES meditation does help! It has been proven to increase memory, improve sleep function, heal skin as well(!), and decrease stress which in turn is a decrease in wrinkles and gray hairs (unless you have the silver fox gene then that’s not so bad!)

4 Write in a journal or diary. Keep a morning and evening writing routine. Write stories, poems, or draw/doodle – find your outlet and bring it to a piece of paper. Why do we have such amazing books, movies, and art? Heartbreak, loss, sadness -> artists used their feelings as a tool to CREATE. so Create something, don’t even think about it, just do it. As the ol’ Nike slogan says.

This is the whole idea behind meditation is to detach yourself. We as humans are so consumed and obsessed with possessing and attaching that in all seriousness, that is just not how life works. We do not own anyone or anything. Everything we need is already inside of us. You need to start learning how to become useful because nothing is forever, only your own soul.

5 Pamper yourself and keep yourself organized. It’s like the saying -> “If you look good, you feel good..and if you feel good, you do good.” Take care of your skin, health, body, and keep your home or space like a sanctuary. It’ll boost your self confidence and give you the energy you need to be the person you want to become.

According to many psychology journals, having an organized space where there is no clutter actually improves brain function. Ever watch those videos where they squeeze putty, or clean something really dirty to watch it wipe clean? Having a clean space is the same kind of gratification. Think about it, how great do you feel when your home is clean and vacuumed or all the dishes are done? Less stress and probably more inclined to focus on more important matters. Am I right or am I right?

Now all these things I have listed in becoming more emotionally stable are baby steps. I am in no way a doctor nor a professional BUT I have experienced my own traumas and tragic life events that have put me in mild depression.

We are all human and from my own personal experience, I think we benefit from sharing empathy or sharing our stories. In fact, that is the very thing that makes us HUMAN. When I was going through certain things myself, I found solace in reading posts or articles just like these either through the internet or some very insightful books through my library (Ekhart Toile, Deepak Chopra, and more).

Sometimes those who have gone through it, can help those who are going through it or have not made the first step to deal with it.

But, how do we get you into the mindset into taking these steps or sticking to these steps? Stay tuned for next week 🙂

xx Subah

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